In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
