I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
