it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
