So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
