Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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