i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
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