Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
