god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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