I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
