Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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