You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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