you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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