i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
