I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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