when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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