i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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