one two three fourrrrnication!
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
What drink are we having for lunch?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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