I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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