Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
This is not my ceiling
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
