sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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