maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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