Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
