Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
