apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
