If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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