I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Text me some of your sweat
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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