Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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