The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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