If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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