He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm passing your future prison.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
FUCK WHALES
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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