Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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