Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
