Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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