Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
