omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
