My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
