Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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