do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
