I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
