How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
