Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
