# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I have surprise drugs for everyone
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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