i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
