I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I think my fart just growled at me.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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