The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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