this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
