Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
