I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
