what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
