one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
