its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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