So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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