upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
So many bounce houses so little time
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
