So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
