A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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